I’m having a lot of trouble fitting my one hour of writing into my day, I’m still living at home, and my mom seems to think my writing isn’t important enough to make time for it. We go on hikes a lot, and usually that takes all day. I’m not allowed to get up early and write, or stay up late. And worst of all, Mom needs to be in or close to me when I’m on the computer. I feel like I just need a little freedom, like the password to the computer, staying up late, or saying no to somethings that Mom demands from me. I’ve always wanted my own laptop or phone for my writing, and when I ask when that happens, Mom says I don’t need it to write. She says I can write with a pen and paper. She doesn’t understand that thoughts and words do not come out very fast that way. It may be better for her brain, but it sure doesn’t get a book out in 90 days, not even a draft.
My family doesn’t really care about this thing anymore, and I feel really rejected by the ones who used to be so excited for me.
I worked 77 hours for the money to do the cohort thing that Mom suggested for me, but I guess I didn’t realize that the money to pay for that didn’t come with an agreement for the time to write each day.
I struggle to remind Mom each day that I have an hour and fifteen minutes of writing, but she forgets so often.
Mom is really awesome, and she’s gone through so much (my family was ruined by porn, and she’s working through all that), so I don’t mean to put her down. I just feel really forgotten. I was wondering if any of you guys had any ideas on how I could work through all this.
I don’t have any more time right now, gotta go do my chores. Thank you all for being here in this writing journey. I don’t know how to thank you for all the questions and answers that have helped me here, and I’m so thankful for brothers and sisters in my writing and Christian walk. You guys are such a blessing!
Thanks again for listening to my troubles.
Yours truly and thankfully, Colleen Alan aka. Chloe
Hey Chloe,
While I can’t give you answers for your situation, I want you to know you are not alone. I can relate to many aspects of what you have shared and the struggle to get time to write while juggling tech restrictions, family expectations, etc…
I have a couple of ideas that might be of benefit, but my main reason to post is to simply encourage you to keep plodding along and making whatever progress you can. I’ve had to let go of the idea of hitting the original 90-day challenge word count for reasons similar to yours. At this point, I’m grateful for the support of our cohort, the resources Brad is providing through the Novel Matrix, and the fact that God has allowed me to make it further into this current manuscript than I have with any others.
Now for ideas:)
- You mentioned that your mom has to be near you when you are writing…is that so that she can monitor what you are doing on the computer? If so, I would highly recommend you ask her to look into Covenant Eyes. This is an accountability app my parents have installed on every one of us kids devices. Four of us are adults still living at home, and while we are still living on their dime (for utilities, mortgages, etc…) we have to respect this boundary. CE monitors all device usage, blocks inappropriate sites (as well as any other sites that are manually blocked such as social media pages in our case) and sends accountability reports to an accountability partner (our parents.) You mentioned that your family has been ruined by porn…this is the number one reason our parents require it while we are in their home and highly recommend it even once we move out. They recognize how destructive this issue can be, and how prevalent access to porn has become. It’s a big reason why CE was created in the first place. Perhaps if this was installed on your computer, your mom would allow you more access to the device without her being right there…thus giving you more freedom to write. She would receive reports of everything you did while on the computer, thus relieving her anxiety about what you might come across while online.
- This sounds crazy, but consider getting a typewriter. I totally relate to wanting to be able to write, but not having the time, energy or motivation to handwrite – and by the time I write the first part I was thinking about, I’ve forgotten what comes next. It’s why I’m scouring the internet right now for a typewriter that matches my room. Nighttime is my prime-writing time, but I’m not allowed to take technology into our (my little sis and I share a room) bedroom. With a typewriter, you’ll be able to write just as efficiently as with a computer keyboard. You will later have to either copy it onto your computer or find a scanning program to do that for you, but personally I think the benefit on the front end is worth the work on the back end. Unfortunately, my family got rid of my Grammy’s typewriter a few years ago before I had discovered a passion for writing so I’m currently saving up and searching for one myself.
- This is the hard one, and perhaps you have already tried, but have an honest conversation with your Mom. I know she loves you deeply, and she might not realize how you are feeling. Sit down with her at a time when you aren’t already feeling defensive or reactive, and lay out how you are feeling in a non-threatening but truthful way. Ask if she would brainstorm with you and find ways you both agree on to resolve the issue. This is really hard and scary, I know from personal experience. But it can also be the most rewarding…parents are usually pretty reasonable when their child comes to them with a respectful attitude and a desire to work out a mutual agreement.
This is all I can think of at the moment. I admire your willingness to be vulnerable and ask for advice… I don’t know that any of what I have shared will be beneficial, but I will certainly be praying for you.
May God bless you and your loved ones!
Jaela
Yay, glad to hear your Mom is scheduling your writing time now! Hopefully that helps. (Ooof, kudos to you for getting up at 5…I don’t think I could do that. I barely make it out of bed by 7:45, LOL)
I can totally get being nervous about a typewriter, as I’ve heard it can take some time to adjust typing skills to fit it. The way I look at it is that while I might not be able to type as quickly as I would on my computer, I’ll definitely type faster than I’ll handwrite, LOL. Cuz my hand can’t keep up with my brain in terms of speed or endurance. ..plus my spelling goes downhill when I’m handwriting – usually cuz I’m thinking about the next thing I’m going to write instead of what my hand is actually writing ;D
But anyways, keep up the good work!
God bless
Chloe,
I assure you that your mom values you more than anything else. It sounds like not only your world changed, but hers was crushed by the events you mention. You are truly amazing to understand her struggle and share so much of yourself to help both of you through this together. And that is your ticket to get through this together.
You are right that this is a great group, one that understands the struggle of finding time to write, and being surrounded by people who don’t necessarily get the commitment made to do this. We are not full time writers, or have the ability to make it priority number one. If I was not doing this myself, I would be completely oblivious as to the effort needed and how anyone would have the desire to even try.
I will pray for you the rest of the way, and for your family, which is the most important thing I can do. Following God’s will is our highest calling, so keep praying that He shows you what you need to do, and gives you the words to say to the ones you love so they can support your journey.
One thought that might be a tip. Put up a count down number so you can always point to it and say, “After 45 more days, my commitment ends so I won’t be trying to hide away for an hour day after that.” Til then, keep getting your time.
Thanks Dave!
Thank you so much, Jaela! I will totally ask mom about CE, that sounds so cool! Mom did write down times on the calendar now though, so she shouldn’t plan stuff over me anymore. (though I do have to get up at five am.) I will also look into a typewriter I’ve always been intimidated about that, because right now, I can easily type 1600 words an hour, and I feel like a typewriter couldn’t keep up. LOL.
Thanks again, Jaela!